Zen Again


I did four one-on-one consults at the Filmmakers Collaborative conference yesterday.  You’re only supposed to get to do one, but you can wait list yourself for others, and then show up; and every time I showed up, someone else had not shown up, so I did four.  This is cosmically over-fair in my direction, I suppose.  To make up for it, I wrote a whole blog on this subject already… and it disappeared.  Meaning, I wrote it, published it to the wrong site (don’t ask), copied it, deleted it, but when I pasted it, it was gobbledygook.  Oh well. I am being non-attached about this and writing about non-attachment.

I am, of course, concerned with kharma, because I am obsessed with Buddhism in a way that is actually attached.  Yes, I have crossed the line.  BUT, and this is very good news, I’ve learned that it’s called bright faith and does not, in fact, qualify me for some 12 step program called Obsessed-with-Buddhism anonymous.  Of course, bright faith isn’t quite the correct term since I don’t really believe in anything yet.  But I’m trying it all out.  I like trying things out.  Countries, continents, careers. (Look at that alliteration!  That was without even trying.)

I have already been called out once this week on saying that I was good at everything.  I am actually quite non-attached about being good at everything (except the things I pretend not to be good at so my partner has to do them).  Think of this:  being good at everything means you have to do things you don’t even LIKE.  I am very attached to finding a way to stop doing things I don’t like.

Obviously I am in an obnoxious, not-very-Buddhist mood today.  I did neighborhood clean-up of Urban Wild space today for over two hours, sneezing and/or blowing my nose the whole time, so I may be entitled.  To this mood.  Or something.  Or would that be attachment?

Because guess what?  I really like the idea of non-attachment.  Like, how’s this?  I really love the story of this film.  I keep feeling I’m supposed to make it.  Even though I’ve never had any ambition to be a filmmaker.  This lack of ambition makes beginner’s mind very easy.  And frankly, I’m learning so much it’s like being a kid.  I get to go to cool conferences and talk to very smart people…and then think about everything and try to figure out how to make fund-raising work, and I get to be non-attached about the right people showing up to help me, and I get to investigate the experience of getting to know the right people in a non-attached way that is gently curious.  And I get to act very professional, which I might actually be, in a zen kind of way.

That’s my question.  Again and again.  Can it be in a zen kind of way?  I really hope so.  I really hope you can be sane and do hard work.

On another subject, I should report on doing the It Gets Better video.

It was really hard.

I had forgotten than injustice doesn’t just make me angry.  It breaks my heart.  It is in the lives lived, the ones that could have been happier.  Father Paul says the best sentence in the Bible is this: “God is love.”  The Buddha says that suffering is the nature of human life.  Dhuka is.  No one escapes it.  The purpose of meditation and the Eightfold Path (which outlines the very principles by which the protagonist of my film lives) is to overcome suffering.

It is the way my heart breaks at injustice that brings me to Buddhism.  And to the making of this movie.  It’s not political.  It is in the lives lived, and the desire to end suffering where it can be ended.

In a non-attached way, of course.

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