In Love AGAIN


So, I’ve been in love with Jesse, my meditation teacher from Barre, MA, Jack Kornfield (who I have never met), am always in love with Galway Kinnell (have heard him read his poems), fell in love with Father Paul Bresnahan and Rev. Rodney Hudgen practically on sight and I would like to add to that list Dr. Martinez at the Spine Center at New England Baptist Hospital.

I went to see him today to start work on mind-body syndrome, originated by Dr. John Sarno, whose book I am reading, even though it forces me to take a look at my mother’s hypochondria and how I might have sort of inherited it.  OH MY GOD another fault.  OH MY GOD from my German mother.  Heredity sucks.  (I’m blaming genes, but it was probably just exposure.  Being uptight seems to be contagious.  Am I uptight?)

Anyhow, the upshot of the appointment with Dr. Martinez, the new love of my life, is that muscular tension causes weird pain and there’s nothing really wrong with me.

Doesn’t that seem to be the ultimate conclusion, everywhere I turn?  THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

Anyhow, Dr. Martinez answered about four emails before I met him, which made me pre- fall in love, and then today he gave me his voice mail so I could check in after I complete four weeks of Sarno’s program, which includes, EEEEEKKK, writing about rage on a daily basis.

Do you think this might have something to do with being reactive?

I am embarking on the investigation of my mind through my physical pain, which should be one hell of a ride, I have to say.

But, more to the point, what doctor gives you his voice mail and answers emails?  And he was NICE and he really LISTENED.

It does feel intuitively right to investigate this, so, of course, I will.  A new adventure in consciousness, much better than hanging with the shamans at Kripalu, another story, another time.

I know I didn’t include suspicious, untrusting, etc on my list of faults, but they exist as a counterpoint to me falling in love with all these men, one after another.  It’s a spiritual love, of course.  Because I am just so spiritual.

Ask the couples therapist.

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