The Four Letter Word


I can’t believe I’m journaling about this.  I can’t believe the stuff I’m saying.  I thought I was self-aware, but OH MY GOD I am more insane than I thought I was!  Mind/body syndrome may lead to some other diagnosis.  Like, very pissed off woman.

I am clearly very very very very very  sick of trying to be perfect!

I rebelled so thoroughly between the ages of 15 and 17 and I have spent the rest of my life wishing I could just not give a shit on that level.  Not that I’d have a career or a marriage or friendships.  BUT, I probably wouldn’t have back or hip pain, either.

You do not want to know what I have to say on this topic.

Okay, you probably do.

But I’m not talking.  Not tonight.  I am going back to the journal to see what else comes out of my stream-of-consciousness rage commentary.

Metta, metta, for all of us who rage silently, trying so hard to be good.


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