Couples Therapy Session #5: HOTHEAD PAISAN or The Sheepdog Bites the Dust


Okay, well, not quite.

But if I have anything to say about it~!

She is driving me CRAZY!

Mind you, all therapists drive me crazy, basically by their very existence, but the Mr. Rogers “Let’s-slow-down-and-look-at-why-you’re-laughing-right-now-did-you-just-inhale-or-exhale-through-your-nose-or-through-your-mouth-what-did-you-mean-when-you-said you-were-scared but wait, I must talk about the dust mote that just passed…and how about if we do an hour and half next time….”

WOULD YOU FINISH A SENTENCE AND BREATHE SO I CAN INTERRUPT YOU?  BECAUSE THIS IS TOO BORING FOR LIFE!

AND NO WAY AM I SUFFERING THROUGH AN EXTRA 30 MINUTES OF THIS!  No amount of meditation will keep me from being reactive for even 2 more seconds!

By the way, I know all about the slowing down so you can look at things, but this is RIDICULOUS.

Plus, this is the third session in which she’s said, “I know you can articulate what happens in your relationship quickly, Lyralen, but why don’t we let your partner talk?”  Then, 30 or 40 minutes later, when I am about to explode (and after I’ve made at least one inappropriate joke and also after the session is over), she says, “Sorry we never got back to you.”

Please, don’t get back to me.  Let me step out.  For a year or so.  I love my partner but if we go any slower we’ll be moving at light speed in reverse and I am going to kill someone in utter frustration probably YOU.

I am thinking of becoming a comic book writer.  Does anyone remember HotHead Paisan Homocidal Lesbian Terrorist?  Yes, of course she’s my hero.  I think she may jump out of my body in couples therapy IF I go back.

And I am not responsible for what she does.

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