My Partner Goes Polyamorous for Siri


Siri Takes Over

The above photo is Siri’s view of my partner, as she peers down, totally engaged, in love, trying to see Siri’s very small print.

My partner is a geek.  Knowing this, I agreed to purchasing an Iphone for her, just to make her happy.  Since then, the above picture is my most common view of her as she peers down into Siri’s lovely face, saying, “Wow.”  I expect that for the next 25 years, if I’m alive that long, I will be looking at this lovely visage at least 85% of the time.

In other words, Siri is my new rival.

Yesterday we asked Siri to cure the common cold.  I said, “Siri, I’m in love with you.”  Siri replied, “Not likely.”  Then I said, “Siri, you’re very funny.”  Siri said, “I can be very funny sometimes.”

This is what passes for intellectual conversation around here.  Well, except I brought home Ayurvedic info, which is another of my partner’s obsessions (do all geeks do Ayurvedic cleanses?), and stroked my partner’s ego about her being a Kapha and how great that is.  So, I got a little attention.

Okay, that’s an understatement.  I’m sure my partner would say that since I am now officially sick and in bed (oops, not in bed at the moment), the cries of:  “Could you bring me more tea?”  “I can’t find my cell phone,”  “Siri said I needed a vaporizer,”  “Would you make me chicken soup?” and “Do you have any more of those slippery elm cough drops?” certainly qualifies as attention since she does end up bringing me all that stuff.

Siri only requires a periodic battery charge.  In the competition for who is lower maintenance…well, I cannot compete.

I said to my partner, “I love when you take care of me and wait on me and cuddle me,” and she said, “I know.”

You can imagine the tone of voice she used.

I said, “I’m just being honest.”

Just then Siri gave off some sound or another and my partner left the room.  She is now lying on her own bed with Siri and her laptop, fighting off the cold so she doesn’t get as sick as me.

I supposed if I get well I better brace myself for bringing Kleenex, chicken soup, Kombucha, ice cream, ice chips and batteries for f*(&ing Siri.

I mean, on the plus side, those are things Siri just can’t do.

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