You know, if you start a blog that is supposed to be about making a movie, and 98% of your posts are about meditation, yoga and couples therapy, you have to wonder what you’re thinking. I mean, really. What am I thinking?
I learned a long time ago that we write to discover the truths we can’t see yet. Writing isn’t really reporting or expressing. It’s an adventure into the unknown self.
Apparently, I must be thinking that meditation, yoga and being homicidal about couples therapy have a high degree of importance in my life.
Don’t get me wrong. I’d kill to see Saint John the Divine in Iowa, the film, get made. But as the days roll out, one after another, I have to admit that the draw to Buddhism, meditation and yoga grows ever more powerful. I begin to wonder if I will be teaching theatre/acting next year, or the year after that. Certainly I will not be producing theatre or film…though I may be directing/creating devised theatre (as I will be tonight, at Endicott College).
In yoga teacher training, when I stood up to practice teach asanas, peace flowed out of me into the room. Shocking, in a way, that I had so much peace in me. Or that I could channel it. Or whatever. But I find myself longing for that peace, for the feeling of it moving through me like water, touching everyone around. I don’t know yet how I’ll get to teach that, but it seems I will, somehow.
Once upon a time, at twenty years of age, I had a 5 year plan. Now, I only know what’s happening for the next 5 weeks.
The Hero’s Journey asks us to step blindly into the darkness of what is not known, willing to surrender control and be changed utterly by what the winds of fate have swept into our lives.
Let me have the courage to do it again.