Ayurvedic Pre-Cleanse, Day 1


I’m hungry.

At least, I think I’m hungry and I’m counting the minutes until my next meal, which, considering the diet of this pre-cleanse, will probably be as unsatisfying as breakfast since there is NO FAT!  And no protein.

Actually, I don’t think I’m hungry.  I’m just light-headed and about to die from no fat and no protein.  Taking this pre-cleanse with my usual equanimity, in other words.

I started this pre-cleanse 2 hours ago and I am now counting the minutes until it’s over.  The pre-cleanse will end on Monday (I started it early…why did I do this?) and then the real cleanse begins, which consists of drinking oil on an empty stomach and then eating nothing but kitchari, which is basically mung beans, rice and spices in a sort of pudding/soup thing.

My partner more or less dragged me into this with her usual Chinese water torture method of little hints intermixed with occasional bursts of pressure.  And then looking all innocent and saying, “Are you sure you want to do this with me?”  This is her third cleanse.  I’m sure I wrote about the oil massages she was giving herself, and I’m sure I said I wish she was giving them to me.

The purpose of cleanses is to shit a lot.  And to release whatever else there is to release–toxic emotions, the desire to kill your partner for getting you to follow her into the world of twice a year Ayurvedic cleanses…

Did I mention that I’m hungry?  I think maybe 12 minutes have passed since the last time I wrote that.

Perhaps now I will go drink some detox tea.

And remind myself that when I ate vegan at Kripalu only a couple weeks ago, the headaches and light-headedness got better after the second day.

Of course, my partner went out and bought a really great steak and cooked it when I got home, and then left it out for me to taste.  I don’t even like steak.  But it was really good.

Obviously life has narrowed to food, and food, and what I put in my mouth, and food.  And my partner.  And food again.

Did I mention that I’m hungry?  Two minutes have passed since I last wrote that….

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